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"You don't fucking get it. I'm not just going to rape you; I'm going to completely obliterate that crevice of a void that was once called your anus. I'm going to throatfuck you so hard that the sheer velocity of my semen is going to go sideways on the Penrose Diagram. Do you hear me? My dick is going to go so far into you at such a velocity that it will, quite literally, break through out current understanding of space into a parallel universe, wherein which my dick will continue to be dominating you. I can only imagine that in such a universe, chance had lead to this same encounter, meaning another me is giving another you this exact same speech, repeat ad infinitum.

I know you're too much of a goddamn retard to understand what that means, Tigerclaw, so I'll break it down for your little underdeveloped retarded pasta mush you call your brain - there is not a reality in which I am not thinking of bending you over and inserting my dick into you so fast and so hard that the infinite multiverses converge into a single thread of me raping you in the ass. So help me, Tigerclaw, our grandchildren will not be talking about this. Nobody will have grandchildren. I am going to destroy the universe by destroying that ass of yours. Quite frankly, as the sheer thrust of my cock into your body ripples throughout all of creation, there is going to be such a huge tear in your ass that it's also going to tear the entirety of physics. The resulting anal prolapse is going to have all the force of the Big Bang within it, of which a new universe dedicated to me raping you will be formed, of which this cycle will repeat again, as it has before, as the entire purpose of our universe right now is for me to cut that goddamn throat of yours open, shove my cock inside of your ass, piss out your own mouth, and bounce with you on the end like a corndog on my cock.

But I'm defiant to fate, Tigerclaw. I'll let you get off easy. I'll be sated with you and end this cycle of me raping you if you can do three things for me. The first? Don't ever look at me again. Your gaze is a sheer force of autism, and I can feel myself progressively wanting to catalog every single Thomas the Tank Engine character the more I'm around you. Your dumbass cross-eyed stare enraged me on an irrational level. It's like that brain of yours enacts some kind of social osmosis; you are so fucking inept at being a functioning member of society that you drain everyone else's basic moter skills to the point where all cats within a fifty-foot radius of you can no longer communicate by anything more advanced than grunting and flinging shit at each other. When Spottedleaf said 'fire alone will save our Clan,' that wasn't an endorsement of your colossal flaming faggotry.

The second? I want you to never do that fucking retarded bullshit ever again. That should be simple enough. Can you still remember what you did five minutes ago, or did my Intro to Cosmology lesson bake your dipshit psych. Oh, I'm sorry, let me say it simpler for the Special Ed kids in the class named Tigerclaw, 'durr, dun doo dat agg-en, ou i hut you.' See? Was that so hard? Thought so.

Third? I want you to eat shit. I want you to go into Twolegplace, find some sick fat fuck with naked little anime Twoleg girls stapled to his wall, and I want you to open your mouth, stand under his ass, and swallow. I want you to fill that mouth of yours with a grown Twoleg's shit, and swallow it all like it was candy, because swallowing's the only thing that mouth of yours is good for. If that sounds unbearably disgusting, then it's justice; we all feel that way about you, Tigerclaw. Looking at you and listening to you talk feels like swallowing a grown man's sloppy shit, except the anguish assaults every sense at once. You're a fucking blight and a cancer on ThunderClan, and I'm deeply insulted that we're even classified in the same bestiary, because evolution was drunk off its ass when it gave way to you, Tigerclaw. Now get the fuck out of my sight before I really get pissed off."

"DUDE! What the hell?! All I said was Bluestar wanted us to go on patrol!"

-Redtail and Tigerclaw, Page 1


Redtail's Awesomeness is a super edition about Redtail and what would happen if Tigerclaw never killed him.



It was released 11-11-11 at 11:11 AM. It has sold more than all the Warrior, Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson books combined. A sequel has been planned, and will be released 11-22-11 in place of TFW, which has been canceled. A movie is also in planning. It will probably be release 12-12-12.

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